i can't tell how much i love to spend time with my friends. you know when old friends are togather, they keep talking silly things and laughing at a stupid jokes. i spent my whole day in doing this and that like a child. right, a c-h-i-l-d. work like a dog and dream like a child.
maybe, i'm not only enjoying the time with them, but also the feeling of being a child. when you being with your old friends, they bring back your old self and past, which are almost lost in wind. and one day you hug your old friends, you feel like crying because you see the old self in others'eyes. that stranger old self. the unfamiliarity of familiarity drives your tears out. how can i bear an unknown self? how i lost it? why don't i notice that? beautiful life is left behind in the past and set in the future. i can't get back and i can't reach the future. future, by definition is out of sight and touch. then my present is emptied. i dunno what's going on here. i didn't do anything to make my life this way. unconsciously, the way goes its way as if it's not my life. i can be quite sure, however, that i end up my life in dream.
02:47:12-2001-03-10: coming back of future - - 27.05.04
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