you never know what's going on in philosophy senior seminar. when EJ talked, i felt i'm the most stupid peron on earth. he makes you feel stupid and incompetent. well, he is nice. i was never shouted or scolded by him, i just heard of his cruelty, which scares me indeed.

how much i hate my cursed busy life? can i tell how much i hate it? i know it too well that others also lead their much difficult busy life and some are just indifferent to it while some don't think it's a big deal. then it's me that love to exaggerate my feelings towards life. this makes me sick of myself. the habit of feeling sick seems so usual that i sometimes smiled at it and let it rot in its place, even don't touch it or pick it up.

i am carrying on my life till death in a strong and triumphant manner since i hate modern life as such. it's too broad and narrow, it's too freezing and hot, it's too indifferent and passionate, it's too noble and superficial. and i survive. too young to die too old to survive. i uttered in void. the void that brought by knowledge and insight. by that void, i can feel my limits.

and then tomorrow i'm occupied with job hunting and papers. i don't hate them. it's unwise for me to hate something inescapable. you better face it. look, i'm convincing and counselling myself. though it seems rather i'm ridiculing the internal contradictions arised from ignorance and cowardliness. life is real.

- - 27.05.04
- - 25.02.04
- - 21.11.03
- - 23.08.03
嚙踝蕭嚙瘡嚙磋嚙踝蕭嚙緻 - 25.04.03

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