i don't know life. and maybe it's wise not to know it. i felt that i'm experiencing a painful regress to childhood that i asked some stupid questions again. how long haven't grown up asked questions like the origins of the universe or the existence of god. we learnt not to take things too seriously in order to live happily. but people don't have choice. we don't have choices. we're made to believe in something or i should say we happened to believe in certain ways. the inexplicable ways of the coming and going in life and history. and these questions come to my mind again these days. i thought about them so seriously that i never have. i know more of the world but i still can't get through the things. i'm trapped. there's nothing that i don't understand. it's quite irrelevant to knowledge but to life itself. skeptics are in pain. but can i opt to be not skeptics? can i just leave all these questions out of my my mind? things are just coming and going, sometimes reside sometimes drift away. it takes time for me to overcome my philosophical depression, i know it too well. spiritual life will not sustain for long in face of overwhelming triviality and unknown tomorrows. but i just can't help being sympathetic to our beings, in a very slient way.
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